Commitment to Self, Purpose and Realization

Part one
(Wheeee that’s a big one!)
Birth, setting out on your life journey and deciding which path to follow… some of us know early what path we are on. I wasn’t surprised, when I heard, Obama had made a statement, in second grade, that he was going to be President. His journey has been brilliant as he has followed his star of purpose unwavering, directly on his path. One of my brothers has been like that, declaring in grade school that he was a Bio-Chemist…he is.
I am one who set out on “a road less traveled.” I had major gift at the beginning of my journey, my wonderfully creative mother gave me an original and beautiful name. From the git-go I have known I was ‘unique’ and was supposed to do something. Trouble was I didn’t know what! That minor detail was irrelevant to me as a child and my baby books are peppered with stories of my taking off, the first time at the age of two, then pitching a major fit, screaming “GO! GO! GO!” when my mother scooped me up and brought me back. I wasn’t even on a path much less a road but instead was blazing bull-headedly through the overgrown jungles of possibility, with the blind trust of bullet-proof youth. Problem is even though I’ve always known the direction to go, I’ve never known just exactly which mode of transport I was to master.
Friends have told me they had no idea what they were going to be as adults. I have always known…I recently framed a self portrait created when I was around three and a half … there I am clear as day …on stage…I have always known I am a performer …what type has changed many times but no matter what, through out my life, I have found myself up there risking it all, baring my guts, exposing my vulnerabilities…feeding on the adrenaline that terrifies most. I have power on stage, a power that I can harness and for a brief moment in time take my audience on my journey.
The feeling of power is more real and more strong than anything else I ever experience. When I am plugged in, so to speak, I know the reason for my being and I am most alive. I am so energized that if there were something like an aura meter I am sure I would be a fountain of energy, vibrating with stars of sparkle all around me. In the acting world there is a phrase “finding your light” I do it instinctually and moving into this state of hyper awareness in which I can even see my own eyelashes. I do things I don’t even know I am going to do and audiences love me.
For years I struggled trying to decide if these needs made me a megalomaniac or was it this strength of ego that allowed me to bare my soul in public. The struggle of an artist …the absolute necessity to create. Eventually I came to the understanding that I had been given the gift of the storyteller, the teacher, the one who unabashedly exposes the deepest inner thoughts, the pinnacles and subterranean dark depths of life and allowing others to learn vicariously through me. For my life to have meaning I must tromp the boards…it is my job…I must go there again and again… it is why I am…